Passion.

To say I had a "bit" of a temper growing up is a "bit" of an understatement.  I remember getting my first technical foul in basketball in second grade for shoving a boy into the mats on the wall under the goal because he fouled me on my layup and the referee chose not to call anything.  I decided to take matters into my own hands.  Again in sixth grade I received my second technical foul for baseball passing the basketball at, not to, the referee for calling a foul on me when the other girl was on MY back trying to steal it back.  I also remember growing up and always getting talks from my mom about how much of a temper I had and such a short fuse too, on and off the court.  Around jr. high I remember telling myself I needed to shape up and try to mellow out.  It's still an on going process, but for the most part I think I've worked extremely hard to get my fuse the length that it is.  Sometimes though, especially when the topic is something that I am extremely passionate about or something/someone that is very near and dear to my heart that fuse gets cut and lit and you better take serious cover because Armageddon is about to begin.  

Several people in my life can attest to this.  One of my best friends Jill once told me that I have "fire eyes" when I get that mad.  It freaks her out a little.  And honestly I scare myself sometimes.  I get so angry or so worked up about something that the only way I feel like I can calm down is to just pick something up and throw it as far as I possibly can.  One of the things I used to do to try and work through stuff was to go for drives alone or with a friend so I could just vent.  (You know who you are and my thanks are endless. Love you all so much.)  However people tell me that I need to calm down and relax and try to discuss these things in a civilized manor.  My question is this, why?  If something means so much to me that I am willing to make a fool of myself trying to get the point across to you why should I have to dial that back?  How will you know how important that is to me if I'm just discussing it as simply as I discuss what the weather is like?  I don't understand why it's so wrong sometimes to get so worked up about something that you lose yourself a little bit to fight for it.  I don't understand why people say honesty is the best policy, if they only want you to say it calmly.  I can tell you right now if I'm being honest about my feelings on a lot of things it most definitely will not be discussed calmly and rationally, whether its a disagreement or a common interest.  If we're talking good or bad you'll know how important the subject is to me, I promise you that.  That's honesty.  

Now that I'm older I know that there were times in my life that I needed to take a step back and reevaluate the situation.  To this day I will let my passion rule me, whether it's for better or worse.  But if I'm being honest I don't think I'd want it any other way.  When I feel something, anything, I feel more than a lot of people do.  It is a gift from God I am fully aware.  I experience things completely different than a lot of other people and I am so blessed that God has given me a heart that can feel as much as I do.  It makes things hurt just a little bit more than they typically would, but it also makes things exponentially better than they typically are.  Passion is one of God's greatest gifts.  Some people have it more than others, but everyone has it about at least one thing.  Don't reign it in. Ever. 

There is a quote in the movie Serendipity that everyone should think about for a bit.  "You know the Greeks didn't write obituaries.  They only asked one question after a man died: 'Did he have passion?'"