Blindside

Man life has been one curve ball after the next this year. Literally non stop since January. Good things and bad. Sickness, new job opportunities, more sickness, having to say goodbye to my childhood dog, gaining a second dog, more sickness. But I'd have to say the best thing of all thus far has been my new job for multiple reasons. First, being the ability to have an adult job that offers insurance and fantastic pay. Second, being in a work environment where you are actually appreciated and get recognition for the things you do. Third, having a manager who cares about you and your career and tries to develop and coach you even when at times the last thing you ever want to do is role play. I believe the best thing though about my job is the people I have met and have grown to be a huge part of my life.  

I remember being in training in Dallas and my trainer telling us to be very careful in the first few weeks at the store in figuring out who you want to be associated with.  So, I tried that out and of course everyone just thought I was awkward and quiet and just did not think I was cut out for it.  After a couple of weeks it was obvious who you could and could not trust.  I have been so incredibly blessed by some of these people in how open they were to adding me into their work family, and some into their personal lives. You can tell that these people actually care about you and that is refreshing.  

I have spent the past couple of years in my own little work/Caleb bubble that I had forgotten what it was like to be able to open up to people about things and trust them.  It is a wonderous thing, to have genuine friends who love you and want nothing but great things to happen in your life, but past experiences have left bitter tastes in my mouth with pretty much all but three friendships. I guess I thought I was past the point of making new besties, but yet another curve ball I missed.  I've only been here six going on seven months and it's like I've known them for years. It just amazes me how close you can feel with a friend after such a short time and how they can just blow your mind with how much they care and are willing to support you even in the most stressful situations. You know who you are and I am blessed to call you my friend. I only hope that I can do the same for you. 

I guess what I'm saying is, it's an amazing thing to be able to see the light in the dark, but it's also amazing when there's someone there to turn on the light for you. Friends are good. Real friends are great. And friend soulmates, though few and far between, are the best. 

Say Something

Life can be so weird sometimes, dropping anvils on us from literally NO WHERE.  What do you do in times like that? How do you respond when there are no words and nothing in your life even came semi close to preparing you for what you've heard or found out.  It's hard.  Recently I was put on the opposite side of a situation that I never have been on before.  What do you do when someone tells you that you broke their heart when you didn't even have an inkling that you had the ability to do that in the first place.  Its a weird thing to hear.  It's also a very sensitive subject.  It's very confusing since you don't want to anything to go left unsaid, but at the same time you don't want to hurt anyone any more than you already have.  It's impossible to say anything, but also imperative that you do.  It's also not something that you can just sit on for a while until you come up with this super philosophical and heartfelt response.  You need to be quick, blunt and easy.  It's hard.  

Such is life I suppose.  It really reminds me of the song Say Something by A Great Big World and if you have yet to hear that song listen to it now.  It has so much meaning.  More than just a break up song.  It fits for every time you are at a loss for words or your situation puts everyone at a loss for words and how difficult that can be. It's just that point in any relationship where you are at a turning point.  It could literally go either way and it all depends on one person saying something, anything really.  It's the limbo that is so painful.  Not knowing what the other person is thinking but at the same time you don't know how to say what you're feeling or thinking.  What do you do or say?  It sucks.  It sucks being put in that situation, but at the same time you can't be angry or upset with the other person because they are doing what is best for them, getting it off their chest.  Letting go of it finally so they aren't the only one holding on to it.  Especially in this case, where the other person, being myself, had zero idea any of this was going on. I'm not mad for being in the middle of this.  I'm not angry either.  I don't know how to explain how I feel about it.  I'm happy for them and glad they are being honest with themselves and others, but at the same time I have no idea how we could ever go back to the way things were before all of this happened.  Its frustrating.  

Words are funny things.  They can have such little meaning or they can carry the weight of the world.  They can be static or they can be a dagger right to the heart.  How do you choose the right ones?