So the story goes, for all of you sad people who have never read, seen or heard of The Polar Express, there is a young boy who is filled with doubt this Christmas and as he lay in bed at night on Christmas Eve somewhere between being asleep and awake the Polar Express shows up in front of his house to take him and some other kids on a trip to the North Pole to see Santa off. This is the most important Christmas in this young boy's life. Tra lala they get to the North Pole and he gets picked to receive the first gift of Christmas, and all he asks for is one of Santa's sleigh bells. (I really am sugar coating this so please read the book.) After a bit of trouble he gets the bell Christmas morning only to find out that his parents cannot hear the bell that he and his little sister so very clearly can hear. They think it's broken, and at the end of the story the narrator, which is the young boy as an adult, says, "At one time, most of my friends could hear the bell. But as years passed it fell silent for all of them. Even Sarah found, one Christmas, that she could no longer hear it's sweet sound. Though I have grown old, the bell still rings for me. As it does for all who truly believe."
I guess my fear of growing up came from this. I was terrified that one day I would grow up and not be able to hear the bell or believe in the magic. However, I have found lately that it doesn't have to be that way at all. In fact I have found it's quite the opposite for me. The older I get and the more life experiences I go through the more I believe in the magic, not just Christmas' magic, but the magic of life and of living. Everyday I am confronted with it's beauty and it's tragedy, and I'm overwhelmed with how magical every element is. I'm sure you're laughing at my use of the word magic, but there is a quote from True Blood season one that I whole heartedly believe in. Not necessarily that vampires are real but magic is. Sookie and Bill were having a small argument about how he exists and when he responded with, "Magic," Sookie blew him off. He then proceeded, "You think that it is not magic that keeps you alive? Just 'cause you understand the mechanics of how something works, doesn't make it any less of a miracle... which is just another word for magic. We are all kept alive by magic." My life has been and continues to be drowning in magic. I can see it and feel it everywhere in my life. The most incontrovertible evidence of magic in my life is Caleb. Literally every up and down in my life tracing back to eighth grade lead me to that front porch I was sitting on with my friends and that guy across the street inviting us over to hang out and me seeing him walk across the room for the first time and time literally froze. I couldn't think about anything else that night except him and how I could not so obviously get to talk to him. And now, nine months and three days in, we're living in Branson together working on creating a world for ourselves. He has healed every wound and helped me reignite that spark of passion and magic in my life that had been turned to embers, what seems like, so very long ago. I thank God every day for him. He truly is an undeserved gift in my life that I am beyond blessed to have.
So, growing up hasn't been nearly as bad as I anticipated. Actually, it was a pleasant surprise. So, if there is one piece of advice I leave you with it's this: Being an adult doesn't mean you have to be cynical or that it's inevitable. Fight for that spark. Don't let it die. Believe in the magic.
