Well I Have You to Begin With

I love how God uses my music collection to speak to me at least twice a week.  It's like he has it on shuffle and just decides to use the most random song to either show himself to me or to speak to me or make me see something I missed forever ago.  For example, last night I was driving on my way home from eating dinner with my parents and I was listening to one of my favorite bands.  Band of Horses and I have been through a lot together.  They've seen me at my best and my worst.  All last year and through the summer they helped keep me sane and at the same time contributed to the loss of my sanity.  Last night while I was listening to them I was remembering how different my life was last year and how depressed I was.  Which then of course brings up the causes of depression.  


One of the main things that started my depression last year was a really difficult break-up.  The longer we were apart the more I would see just how much we weren't supposed to be together.  Our relationship was incredibly serious all the time.  I honestly could count on one hand how many times we laughed together and just played.  I know that sounds like we're five, but I like to have fun, A LOT.  If you know me you understand.  I was constantly trying to be something I wasn't to keep being with him and it took me forever to realize that.  So long, in fact, that I lost who I was.  Slowly I am finding that person again.  Recently this process has been sped up due to a major change in my life.  Not only, do I have amazing friends who have accepted me for who I am, immature or not, I now have this amazing guy in my life who I have the best time hanging out with.  I can be doing the dumbest thing ever, most recently was Star Wars character impersonations, and he just starts laughing at me.  However,  the second I get embarrassed, he just wraps his arms around me and pulls me in closer and tells me I have no need to be embarrassed because he loves it.  He realizes this is who I am and not only does he accept me, he loves me.  


Last night I was listening to Part One by Band of Horses.  The lyrics go like such:


To the bottom dear, I had to fall
But you really caught me
You really caught me, dear
At the bottom where I'd fallen.

And slowly dear, ask would you dance with me
Here with the shades down
And the lights off

I didn't know you
And everything I do
Done badly

Now I'll love you always
Even when I say
You distract me.

And sit out tonight in some strange place
If we have no friends here
Well I have you to begin with

To wake next to you in the morning
And good morning to you.
How do you do?
Hey, good morning to you!
More covers for you.
Sleep soundly dear cause I have to go.

And I'll love you always.
When we leave this place
And drive back to carolina
And down to savannah and stay.


Needless to say this made me realize how thankful I am for Caleb.  He really is my best friend.  I feel more like myself everyday with him and yet at the same time a better person.  God literally never ceases to blow my mind, good or bad, but my mind is blown nevertheless.  He introduced me to Caleb mid to end September right around the time I had surrendered and was finally ok with being alone for the rest of my life.  Just before I completely lost myself, or you could say he caught me just before the bottom.  


I know that everyone always says this and I feel like it gets said so much people have a tendency to just look it over and rather get caught up in feelings, but I encourage all of you to find someone who you can literally be nothing but yourself around and who will pull you closer when you do and tell you that THAT is exactly why they love you.  And if you do have that someone in your life, hold on to them each and everyday and never take them for granted. 


Merry Christmas! :)