If It Can Be Broke, Then It Can Be Fixed

I moved out of my parents' home two and a half years ago, and I didn't think I'd want to move back home ever.  I always told myself, when I was growing up, that when I moved out I'd be moving out for good.  I didn't want to be that child that went back and forth living with my parents.  Plus, I'm a fairly stubborn person, and by that of course I mean I'm an extremely stubborn person, and when I originally moved out a lot of my family, extended and immediate, told me they didn't think I could actually do it.  They all had their suspicions about me being able to handle doing my own laundry, managing my money, cooking for myself (which I have somewhat mastered), etc.  So, naturally being who I am I moved out for good and even though my parents live twenty minutes away I rarely would go down to see them.  I would do my laundry there, which I am both ashamed and proud to say I can go anywhere from two to three months without HAVING to do laundry.  And then, of course, I would be there for holidays.  I wasn't taking advantage of the fact that my parents lived so close.  After everything that's happened in those past two and a half years, I really regret the time I've missed out on with them.  I know it sounds cliché, but after everything they both are two of three people that no matter how long it's been since I've spent time with them or ignored them or been angry at them, they are right behind me waiting for me when I need them.  

I've always loved my parents and respected them and thought that I had appreciated them, but until just a few days ago when I was thinking about everything, I didn't realize just how much they mean to me.  I don't think I had had a big enough dose of life to fully appreciate them and fully understand just how much they care about me.  I know that I've said before how I've really been aware of my age and the fact that life, no matter how badly you want it to, will not slow down let alone stop.  And after all of my experience thus far in life, I really understand the importance of not only having people in your life, but who exactly those people are.  So, needless to say I've been tossing around the idea of moving back home after my lease is up next summer.  The more I think about it the better and better it sounds like a brilliant idea.  And to my amazing parental unit, I love you guys more than I can express.  Thank you.  For everything.

Change is Inevitable. Except From a Vending Machine.

One of the hardest things about change is being outside of your comfort zone.  I myself am a major creature of habit with everything in my life, even with things as small as what I eat and drink.  I am a fairly predictable person.  Except for when my life has to undergo a major reconstruction.  It's usually predictable that I will freak out and have a meltdown, but how this said meltdown will show it's ugly face is exceptionally unpredictable.  Sometimes I get extremely angry, other times I go all Boo Radley on the world and become a shut in.  Sometimes I cry for days, other times I become bulletproof.  Some like to call me a bitch when I get that way, but I choose to see it as a defense mechanism.  My point is I lose my mind a little during this process.  I don't handle change very well in my life. 

But then again, who honestly does? How can you handle it well, really?  Everything in your life as you know it changing.  Take for example right now in my life, in the past two years I fell in love and got my heart severely broken, had a close friend ignore me for a month and then go back and forth with being friends at all, had my best friend move back home 3.5 hours away right in the middle of some serious change in my life, had some other "friends" make comments both behind my back and to my face basically calling me an alcoholic slut, had a new close guy friend try to break the friendship barrier and now everything is awkward/ruined, reunited with some old friends from high school, had an extremely close friend leave to go to Greece for 3 months, had my relationship with God tested to its breaking point, blah blah blah.  How am I supposed to deal with this calmly and rationally?  Especially when one or two weeks a month my body turns me into a mood swinging beast.  

Even though some of these changes probably are for the greater good, until I get used to life again it sucks and I'm freaking out in a new way every day, multiple times a day.  It's even harder going through some thing like all of this when the people you can talk to are limited.  I guess all I'm saying is something we all have known. I just hate rediscovering it in a new way.  Life sucks. And there isn't anything we can do about it.